as we grow, we become more imperfect as scars cling onto us
however, i don't mind these indentations that are part of my sculpture
who i am now, she is not born but made by destiny
this is the real me

HAHA. well, i know nuts about poetry but i do know about waxing lyrical :D this is what i really feel.

HI! totally can't study. ughs.

translation of FIRST LOVE, but don't know where it's found from:
our last kiss
tasted like tobacco
a bitter and sad smell

tomorrow, at this time
where will you be?
who will you be thinking about?

you are always gonna be my love
even if I fall in love with someone once again
I'll remember to love
you taught me how
you are always gonna be the one
it's still a sad song
until I can sing a new song

the paused time is
about to start moving
there's many things that I don't want to forget about

tomorrow, at this time
I will probably be crying
I will probably be thinking about you

you will always be inside my heart
you will always have your own place
I hope that I have a place in your heart too
now and forever you are still the one
it's still a sad song
until I can sing a new song

you are always gonna be my love
even if I fall in love with someone once again
I'll remember to love
you taught me how
you are always gonna be the one
it's still a sad song
until I can sing a new song

super duper nice song. ughs... anyways i feel really down right now. can't seem to get ANYTHING started! gosh am i meant for a bleak future? i don't have any courage to take the first step ):

YO! i typed a quarter of a blog entry (you know mine are long), the computer hanged, and it disappeared after i forcefully restarted the com. GOSH! anyways, if you'd seen the previous entry (part of, anyways), you'd see how happy i'm feeling right now!! it's TOTAL bliss :D so recapping the day, it was sucky until end of school, where i chitchatted with 2 of my classmates about our innermost feelings. we'd always said we wanted to "gossip", in the end, this is what we did: talk about ourselves! and i wanted it, but i didn't realise they wanted it as well... so weirdly, this is called "gossip"? it's total girltalk! HA! anyways, my mind is full of myself, first and foremost. seriously. no wonder i can't click with other people much.

so the 3 of us chatted... and they're the more quiet ones in my clique, which consists of 2 other girls, who are more sociable, in a way. anways, when we chatted we asked what our first impressions of each other were. i was special! :D one girl said, "your looks and your personality is very different." at first i mini-panicked about acting different from what i look, ie, act cool when i looked nerdy. but the fact is, she meant i looked unique and had a unique personality to match! heh heh. (which is good, right?) super smiles! anyways, near the ending of the chat i asked a girl about this guy, who was totally sexy when dancing, cos he was sitting nearby and i really, really think am interested in him. and i said, "actually, i think he's very interesting. i want to get to know him." and she's like, "yeah, he looks very interesting. like you lor!"

ho! so i finally SEE what they mean. it's like i don't look singaporean (i thought he was korean, cos of the name, but he's malaysian). i look like a very interesting person, like he does to me. i am intrigued like siao about him. actually, maybe that's why people keep looking at me. they're wondering what type of person am i. he even noticed me himself! :D next time our eyes meet, i'll smile to him. i even imagined the both of us talking to each other. it'll be quite cool, quite interesting!

so as i sat through one course, i analysed this. when i came to the conclusion that people (guys) weren't exactly ATTRACTED to me, rather they were just interested, as in, hey what's this girl like? i smiled to myself and felt like a semi fool. i'm not exactly cute, but i'm special! and guys didn't sms me or they didn't initiate anything because they were probably afraid i would think too much about it, as i would! i'm simply not the type of girl guys are friends with, something like that. well, i'm going to change that. i really want a guy friend! i want lots of guy friends! anyways, the mystery of why guys didn't sms me is solved, the reason as simple as abc! so simple, so easy for me to accept... gosh, i should've been honest with myself a little more, asked others the questions i wanted to ask more... the thing is, it's NOT that they think i'm a weirdo/freak/freak/freak/freak. heh! it's not in the negative way, but more of the positive way... and i kind of get the feeling, when i let myself be real, that people LIKE me! that i don't have to hide who i am, that it's better to receive those smiles whenever i'm being myself! seriously! i found it a pleasure when people were smiling to me, when i looked at them. and i see them already looking at me :D

HAHA! it's just so happy.

actually, something i realised about others is how they, like me, want excitement in their lives. HOHO! seriously, they want to meet new people all the time, they want to get to know their crushes, they want to speak to somebody new and cool. they want miracles to happen. today, a miracle happened to me. at least, it's something that isn't routine, that's out of the blue. maybe there's a way to integrate mugging into your life without giving up the fun part :D (: please tell me it's true!

HMM. anyways, even as i was thinking that guys don't send me smses, i received one earlier tonight! it was from a really cute leader who used another person's hp. which... is kind of sad, like why didn't he use his own hp? sighhh. i thought not many noticed when i left earlier from the "playtime" after dinner tonight. they were all busy having fun when i left, the one person who made effort to make sure i wasn't like ignored when i left was another guy who i really think should join councillor. everyone agreed they would vote for him! gosh he's so stupid to back out. anyways, the msg was really sweet. it said, "have u reached home? take care on your way back, good nite and jia you (in the chinese words)!" and then he put his name. or maybe it was the girl who put his name there. anyways, it was spelled wrongly (missing one letter), and i was disbelieving it was him. but it is, right? i mean, so weird to have a name there suddenly... ANYWAYS i really am not thinking too much about it, i just reread it twice and that's it. too lazy to read it anymore. i just want to say a) guys have finally sent me this kind of sms! (tearing) and b) i'm BETTER OFF being me! :D i really looove myself.

anyways, THIS BLOG REALLY CANNOT BE SEEN BY OTHERS! I'LL DIE. I'LL NEVER EVER PUBLISH MY OWN AUTOBIOGRAPHY. I'LL DIE OF EMBARRASSMENT.

sigh. the loveliness of receiving sweet smiles from guys. ahh. but honestly, the better part was that i made new(er) friends! it's like i got to know these people all over again. the highness they express because of the suppressed feeling they get from class. the acceptance, the warmth, the craziness that makes me loosen up and relax! gosh, the only way to really deal with craziness, those type you cannot comprehend/respond reasonably to is just to be your own crazy self and laugh easily. then it'll be damn fun and you'll get high too! :D serious. everybody has their own style/brand of wit and sarcasm, and just pour it out, man! you'll not only seem smarter, you'll start to comprehend others' crazy jokes too. okay, so "jokes". the laughter was induced by imaginary alcohol (: ah, youth! do you know, fact #1: talking in a smartypants accent your own jokes and witty one-liners is fun! seriously! at first i was a bit uptight and like, uhh you're not making sense, but then i started to indulge in my OWN witty one-liners! uh huh! even though not many laughed with me. heh heh.

HEH HEH HEH!

hoohoohoo!

anyways. fact #2: people really really think i have a boyfriend! gosh, everytime i answer a phone call they'll (different people) lean in like we have a secret to share and say, boyfriend ah?

wth? how come there's this type of look, that type of look... seriously, i never judge people that way! i never think, when i first see people, "she has a boyfriend currently. she joins netball. she is a nerd." i just think, "she's fashionable. she's not, she doesn't read vivi. she reads vivi." something more like that... maybe i base things on MYSELF? but seriously... honestly, i think people's impressions are all based on their fashion trendiness! if they have good style, they'll be able to create a desirable image for themselves! if they're not, they'll give others the toot, nerd, blah feeling... and i just laugh at that fact, but i never judge people by looks.

anyhoo. the cute guy, my eye candy, has a super flat tummy! he tucks in his shirt all the time like a nerd, but today i realised he had such a flat tummy and that's why he can't giveadamn. i'm imagining sixpacks underneath the flat surface of his pe shirt tucked underneath his pants. god, he becomes hotter.

and i saw two lesbians! super duper PDA! one was really pretty, though.

ahh! i'm so much more confident now. i really really love my og! i hope we'll never part... i guess we all hope so too, as you see, even though we're not exactly clickable and oil-slick "smooth" with each other, we make the effort. when we're together, we make the effort to be happy together. we make the effort we make the effort! eventually, that's all relationships are about... putting effort in. seriously. that's the most important factor: are you willing to sacrifice time, to invest time spent together into the relationship, to make sure it bears fruit? it's really like harvesting... it's that tough and labour-inducing.

YO! hi again! today was another sorta fab day? it's so weird... it's never completely fab, but it's fab because i improved. yep. i really am nonchalant about what others think of me! seriously! :D i have become nonchalant... but it takes some getting used to being nonchalant... and i guess i'm still semi uncomfortable around people a lot of times, i think i look ugly sometimes... like so horrific nobody should have to tolerate looking at me...

actually i should say thanks to my new classmates that i'm slowly improving. i may still be rather shitty and living below their expectations, i'd wish they would never give up on me... HMM. i've opened up a lot more today, spoke more of my mind... i still can't seem to "click" with others, as in, sometimes i feel we're interested in totally different topics. or we have different mindsets, even though we're interested in the same topics? GURGH. nvm! the spirit of the singaporean: NVM! never mind means it doesn't matter, try again next time/tomorrow/whenever you want to! if you don't want to try anymore, also NVM!

heh heh. anyways, i'm quite aware i have my own interests, such as taking "artistic" photographs and japanese fashion. i like emo ballads, too. and japanese songs. i wasn't so aware of them until people started searching through my hp and i felt like a part of me has slipped through. they know a part of me which i didn't particularly open to them... and weirdly, i don't care so much other than thinking, do they think i'm weird? am i a disappointment (no bf pics)? what can they tell from my pics/music?

well... i'm just afraid they'll think i suck. do i suck? i honestly don't think so... is reading japanese magazines and being interested in their fashion and admiring their models a sucky personality? nope. is taking "artistic" photographs sucky? not really... WELL! i am not a sucky person after all.

well, honestly... i think i make people uncomfortable, i have NO IDEA WHYYY. it's most probably because i'm uncomfortable around them myself. ): SIGH. problematic!

ANYWAYS. i like being totally normal around guys! it rocks!!! SIGH. until somebody likes me for real, i'll talk about the opposite sex in THAT way :D right now, it's just simple pure unadulterated fun! it's really different to be receiving a guy's smile, but that only proves to me i have improved

HAHA

OKAY. gotta STUDYYY!

SIGH. so tired to blog... whenever i think of studies, i will come to think of a mountain. it is a pile of "studies" i have to overcome. i'm planning to revise a subject a day during the week and hopefully will be able to catch up with my class. and everyone else ): ARGH! i don't want to be like a sec school student, always getting chased for homework. it's so embarassing: I'M NOT DOING IT ON PURPOSE! ): i'm just really not used to doing homework. GOD GOD GOD. right now i've just blasted 2 hours on redoing my PW which the toot bad breathy teacher rejected. KNNS! urghs. so unmodern man! my idea of doing setting up one of those online shops is unique and fabulous, no? so simple, no need license, can be as simple as creating handmade jewellery to creating graphics for others. if you're extremely talented, can sew soft toys and even sell photobook! the ideas are ENDLESS, the potential unlimitless, only if you take the first step, right? i'm also not saying the shop has to succeed and make huge lumps of profits. the title of the project is called a "JOURNEY". even a failure is still considered a (learning) journey right? i'm also not asking people to invest thousands. grr. he said my idea is undoable. UNDOABLE? what about camps, which you accepted? the level of difficulty is the same! sigh. but of course, i'm basing my idea on the fact I want to start a business and earn some student's pocket money. I would like to sell anything i can on the webby. maybe others don't? but it's kind of hard to imagine... people aim to be CEOs and all, eventually aren't you still selling something?

i'm in a mess right now. thank god the deadline is friday? or something ): thursday?

GOD. have to stop blogging and stuff. can't read mags, can't listen to music, just like my friends, study until they finish whatever they plan to do. good strategy right? can't believe i didn't even think of it... i also realised i'm too tired to worry about stupid socialising things. what's the point of worrying so much? in the end, i need the energy for studying... i need the space in mind for concentrating and focusing on studying... i need my focus on studies! and i'm actually more concerned about having fun? no way having fun is going to be my priority: it's pure stupidity. idiocy. i just realised, heck care what the guys think of me. i don't even care about them, i don't even want them as my bfs, WTF am i going around wondering what they think of me? plus i want to be friends first, i want them to get to know the real me... FINALLY my subconscious wraps around logic and rationale. why do i care so much about being popular and likable and whatnot? i know right now i'm insensitive (kind of), i've learned how not to care so much about others, but right now all i feel is idiocy when i'm nonchalant when others are concerned about me. they don't display it all the time, it's the little random things, you know. i know i have a problem with getting jokes, i have a problem clicking with other people's humour, i have a problem reaching out to other people (BECAUSE I'M SUPER SELF CENTRED)... but i know eventually i'll become a better person. i'll become a charming person in my own rights, because right now i'm being given the chance to improve and change... maybe if improving and changing becomes integrated in who i am, my personality, i am free to improve and change all the time. HOWEVER the more righteous approach, the one i want to take is this: just being so natural i don't notice changing, i don't notice... being me. that kind of thing. i don't want to always think, okay, so i said this, is it okay? i did this, is it okay? those are wasted energies. those are useless thoughts. those are thoughts you think when you've thought everything else.

i will learn slowly, in my own way, at my own pace. i will adapt in my own pace. i will become the person i want to be, through knowledge and observation and careful analysis. i will be free of selfconsciousness and restriction.

p.s. i really like the time i laughed at my own joke and before finishing it, ran away because i was too shy. the giggle was like a bubble, frothing out of my mouth. i finally laughed at my own joke! :D 

i just did 15 mcq questions for the chem test tomorrow. my goshhh. it's not little, not a lot either. i can't guarantee my results! ): anyways, my mind is straying a lot. i can't concentrate!!

anyways, i was thinking about how big the world is, after reading the article "eyeing ivy league? straight as no guarantee". how misleading the title is: it suggests that maybe the top unis in the world are no longer looking for straight as. WRONG. they're looking for other merits BESIDES straight as. so people with straight as but no other (exceptional) merits such as winning global poetry prizes or being a national fencers will be like, OH MAN! they still had the cheek to place a small snippet underneath that article, "singapore students still highly attractive". in that very article, RJC was said to be the "ivy league machine", churning out 100 students who get into top american unis in 2004. what i want to say is... ONLY 100? from RJC? getting into RJC requires 4 measly points! those 100 are probably included in the few hundred who take 9 subjects altogether and get straight as... OH YEAH. my jc keeps having sports competitions against RJC! those NERDS! gosh... they're like another species of people altogether. so excellent in studies, so extremely welldisciplined... so different.

so. i started thinking about what kind of people got into harvard, princeton, blah. if i got into nus instead, how will my degree "vary" against a harvard's? does this put me into an immediate disadvantage? is my fate semidecided, as in career options and expansion? at what point in my life did things start to look this way, like i was already at a disadvantage before i said, okay you can judge me now. at which point in my life did the narrowness of my reality not match the expanse of my dreams anymore? when i was younger, the future was so bright. so, so, so bright. i don't exactly think about my future now, like how it will be. but i do plan, alright. it's just that when i think of my childhood dreams, they seem so unreachable and... surreal now. i'm not even (consciously) comparing it to what i currently think of my future. IF THE WORLD IS SO BIG, if i'm just such a super small dot... why do my daily (small) problems overwhelm me? i should realise that there are bigger things in the world, that it's pointless and a waste of energy to worry about how i look/seem to others, how i'm going to talk to others, my style of communication. my problems are so small, and concentrating and focusing on these miniscule problems will only shrink the quality of person i am! right? WHEN DID THINGS START TO BE DECIDED? i guess unknowingly...

i also thought (while doing the 15 chem mcqs) that while others might be scary to me cos i don't know what's exactly going on in their heads, i might just as well be as "scary" to them cos they don't know what i'm thinking too! usually, i'm the one who initiates the awkwardness. yes, i do. it's like before i start to interact with others, i have already pushed myself down, by subconsciously thinking how restricted i am, how un-open i am, how others see me as. usually, others tend to be very receptive... they just accept what i present myself as. i HAVE to realise that if others are scary to me, i'm scary to others! something like that. we all have no way of seeing through others' head, we all have no right to decide for the other party who they will be. if i'm selfconscious, others are too... in a way. they're just as helpless as i am. but they decide to put their faith where it matters. at the same time, i think what i'm struggling with is a case of old-habits-die-hard. it's already habitual for me to put myself down, to constantly FIND something to be unhappy/insecure about. people don't go around thinking, "i have to be myself" as they socialise. similarly, i don't... and i tend to forget about the importance of being myself. i find myself shrinking into my comfort zone today. i found myself shrinking... sigh. i just have to make an effort to change this habit, to be bold in LIKING MYSELF and thinking that others like me too.

i don't know why i can't see guys as just friends! ): i always think they have some sort of relationship motive in their minds (also due to despo-ness). whenever a guy i feel is slightly urghs approaches me and is friendly, i'm like, okay i don't want to communicate too much with you or you will end up following me around. so i'm just like bopping, mm, mm, yes, yes, no, no and other simple statements. whenever a guy i feel is cool approaches me and is friendly, i'm like, i don't know what to say... all i say is uncool. so i will mumble mumble hold back awkward.

something is seriously wrong with me. i'm actually having therapy sessions with myself ):

FRIENDS FRIENDS FRIENDS! THEY ARE GIRLS! :D

SIGH. maybe i have a lot of things i don't say, and people can sense it. people can sense the million words hanging in the air, and they can sense the insincerity of the words said. maybe they can sense these things... i wonder though, what i am hiding so much for. i wonder, really, why can't i just trust and like myself? why can't i just be myself, without worries? i really want to let myself go... to be happy and smile and hug. i reach out, but i'm so awkward... i contend myself with holding the shoulders of the ones i really want to hug. I DON'T BLAME MYSELF FOR NOT FINDING CERTAIN THINGS FUNNY, FOR NOT FORCING MYSELF TO LAUGH... but i blame myself for not putting in more effort in being myself. i blame myself for caring so much about embarrassment. why am i so uptight? i'm not anybody special, why can't i just lose face? what's wrong, you know? i think all i'm scared is being thought of as weird... but like i said, nobody is weird unless they keep things inside them, when they seem to be in another world and try to hide it.

MUST TRY HARDER TOMORROW! jia you!!

it's like practically EVERYONE in school is nice. wth am i afraid of? ):

I CAN'T FOCUS ON MY STUDIES. ALL I THINK ABOUT IS HOW I LOOK WITH MY FRINGE. THEN I SPENT AT LEAST 2 HOURS SEARCHING FOR A DAMN MP3 (NEWEST SONG ON THE IMEEM PLAYLIST). GODDAMNIT! ): WHY CAN'T I STUDY FOR HOURS STRAIGHT? I SIMPLY SUCKKK.

ANYWAYS I JUST FOUND OUT ABOUT THIS ACTOR WALLACE HUO. HE'S SUPER CUTE! MY GOSH. TOO LAZY TO PUT HIS PICS HERE. GO GOOGLE THEM YOURSELF!

MIGHT AS WELL PUT UP THE LYRICS FOR THE NEW SONG (found in chinesemusicblog.com/forum and i edited the translation a little):

真的 -  张韶涵
Zhen de - Zhang Shao Han
Really – Angela Zhang

我努力的仰著脸孔
Wo nulì de yang zhe liankong
with a lot of effort, i point my head upwards

试者让眼泪不下流,别往下流.
Shì zhě rang yanlèi bú xiàliú, bié wang xiàliú
trying not to let tears flow, don't flow

不问他感觉到什么
bú wèn ta ganjué dào shénme
Not asking him what he feels

在我生活中不在伤痛,不伤痛.
Zài wo shēnghuó zhōng búzài shāng tong, bù shāng tòng
In my lifetime there is no more hurt, no hurt

想要说,却还沉默.
Xiangyào shuō Què hái chénmò
Want to talk but still there's silence

伸出手,无法触碰.
Shēnchū shou Wúfa chù pèng
My hand’s reaching out, but not able to touch

天空突然一片辽阔,
Tiānkōng tūrán yī piān liáo kuò
the sky is suddenly so wide

原来你是真的离开我.
Yuánlái ni shì zhēnde líkāi wo
It turns out you’re really leaving me

在我不熟悉的世界,过新的生活.
Zài wo bù shúxī de shìjiè, guò xīn de shēnghuó
(you're) in a world i'm not familiar with, leading a new life

闭上眼让泪水滑落
Bì shàng yan rang lèishui huá luò
Closing my eyes to let the tears roll

此刻你已真的永远离开我
Cikè ni yi zhēnde yongyuan líkāi wo
in this moment, you have really left me forever

在另外一个没有我的世界自由的走
Zài lìngwài yī gè méiyou wode shìjiè zìyóu de zou
(you're) in another world that doesn't have me, walking freely

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS SONG? please feel free to comment/recommend other songs (i love such ballads)/suggestions regarding the chinese translation :D

I LOVE LIFE NOW! :D actually, it's nothing fantastic or amazing or super duper exciting. i guess you can say it's just that things have started to REALLY look up. i'm not lying in bed, praying, "tomorrow will be a better day, because i will be a better person". nights after nights it started to feel like bullshit and i was really heartbroken, to say the least. because i would be full of hope before bed, then be totally disappointed the next day. yet, i didn't want to give up or give in, because i was damn afraid the moment i let myself lose all hope and let myself feel that life is boring, that it's always going to be just this way and never better, my life would be that way forever. so i held on really really tightly to hope for a better tomorrow, a day where i'll be happy and proud of who i am. for about 2 years, it's been this disappointing replay everyday. nothing happened to me and i felt like a freak all the time. an ugly freak, to make matters worse. so you must really understand when i say i'm loving life, even it's probably all normality to others. :D but i think it's better than some people's lives, though. tee hee.

there i times i still feel, ugh i'm so unattractive. BUT it doesn't feel as devastating as it did just... last year. my, how things can change in a time span of one year. i hope it continues changing! you know what i think when i'm feeling ugly? i think that one day i'll be beautiful, because i FINALLY discovered the secrets of all the babes: they are super wellgroomed! i know what they know now. i know what i want to splurge on now, except i don't have the money, which i will one day. i shall trim my hair into a layered style near the end of the year (my god, i better catch up on my studies or i shall be sitting for graduating exams instead), i shall get some beauty treatments (shall not spill)... take up dance classes, etc etc (: something else that is more comforting than the knowledge i will be more beautiful as i get older: my personality is improving. that matters so much more to me, and i realised that only now. because with a personality, you can survive with or without looks. without a personality... there's nothing you'll achieve that you'll be proud of.

that's it for today, anyway! i really got to a) eat dinner b) catch a drama c) get started on studies. i'm SO wellmanaged!

HI. i'm going crazy trying to get all the physics "logic" into my head. i hate reading textbooks, cos i'm the sort who wants instant results... so i tend to do the questions first? after all, skimming through the first few chapters, i realised all the stuff there were the stuff we did for os. so i was like, ah, it'll come to me when i'm doing the questions.

MY GOD. all that came to me was a major headache. i'm very stressed out right now. i will have to look through the solutions to the physics questions after this blogging session. then i'll have to start on the chemistry tutorial... URGH. i'm going to die. you know, the thing is, i started jc with a mind to be totally hardworking and complete all my tutorials in time, that kind of thing. then scoring full marks on tests would come naturally. i thought i would be the kiasu one in class. but after 3 weeks or so, noooo. i am STRUGGLING to keep up with the class's pace! their tutorials are all so immaculately done! ): but the good thing is, this is encouraging me to study hard, to go against my natural inclinations to just slack around and not complete assignments. i guess i'm not as hardworking and super as i thought i was. which is good i got into this class. i'm actually really glad... anyways, tests are but around a week or so away (except for chemistry and the deadly chinese), so i've got some time. plus, my attitude and mindset has already started to change.

so boring right, all about studies?

what else can i say? about my new bangs? it surprises me how lowmaintainence they are! i thought i would have to wash them everyday due to the collection of oil from my forehead, but in reality, i don't touch them and they are fine. yes, they are somewhat oily and they are damn black and shiny, and i'm not used to them, but they're FINE. i'm even wondering right now if i can get away with not washing them for school tomorrow. what if, the opposite happens, and i wash them and they are less nice than they are now? ):

hmm. i'm currently thinking (excited) about receiving guys' attention. i'm sure i'm not imagining things, but somehow i feel like i'll never get chased the way some girls get chased (eg surrounding people get pestered for hp number, receiving random smses). i feel like their interest will eventually die off... then all that would be left is my memory of it. ha! so insecure right. that's why i don't tell anybody (up till now only my dear friend and sister have heard about it from me) about it all. i'm even quite insecure about blurting it out here, even though this is my secret blog... and nobody knows me. right?

SIGH.

but thinking about it, it's not that big a deal to go through the effort to memorialise it here. i will have to see what happens tomorrow. i will try my best! i will shine! i'm actually excited... to hug my friends, because i've always wanted to do that but never did so as a) it's not something i would normally do. i'm excited to interact with my new classmates. i'm excited to meet new people. that's all. and NOW, back to the studying desk! ): chemistry tutorial is waiting for me... calling out my name... urgh. all i feel like doing is s-l-a-c-king. stare at the internet. stare at my lovely blog.

alright, ciao!